i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
