We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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