If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
