i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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