Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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