Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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