He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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