Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
the raccoons are back...
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