i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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