I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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