how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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