So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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