WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
