Her vagina should come with caution tape.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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