i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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