We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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