Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
