Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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