my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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