Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
