pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
