Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
