even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
