I hate all girls vehemently.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
