You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
