Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
