Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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