Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize