New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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