He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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