Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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