We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
