I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
