We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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