So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
