he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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