Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
