You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I did not marry a roomba.
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