hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
