How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
