perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
