I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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