I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
