So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
