We're facebook friends in real life
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
