Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Randomize
