im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
