i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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