You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
