It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
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If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.