but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.