I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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