No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
