I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
