She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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