Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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