I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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