Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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