Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
