I met the friendliest cop last night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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