so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
