why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
