theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
