I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i believe in u and ur pee
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A bitchslap is in order.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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