Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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