new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
