I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
