People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
