I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
