i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
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Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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