oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
foreskin is a definite game changer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
