I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
