did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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