even my farts smell like vagina
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Found the puke drawer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
