Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
