Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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