I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
