Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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