so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
