oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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