So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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