we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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