I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
