I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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