he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
