She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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